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Andrea Weckerle, yesterday, before suffering ‘Feeditis’
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Dateline: Adelaide, Australia. Thursday April 16, 2006. 7pm
Reporter: Lee Hopkins
AT the heart-felt request of frequent blogger and blogreader Andrea Weckerle, the owners of the internet — The Better Desirable Roasted Cafe Corporation — ceased all activity and went into ‘maintenance and upgrade mode’ for a 24 hour period whilst Andrea caught up with her blog reading.
Normally a voracious blogger, Neville Hobson of Amsterdam reported “It was great! I took a day off and went shopping with the wife.”
Similar stories were heard around the globe as neglected partners and children reconnected with their formerly computer-bound partners and care-givers.
However, Fortune 500 companies were not as amused.
Ivor Tiddler, spokesman for PowerGen in Italy, said that their PowerGenitalia Investment Bonds dropped 38.6% from the lack of traffic.
Similarly, spokeswoman Iloova Biggen from the world’s largest pen manufacturer and retailer, PenIsland, reported a drop of 43% in sales as a result of the lack of internet traffic.
Ms Ivana Popoff, CEO of the Bulgarian perfumery Eau de Canal, famous for their ‘Canal Number 5′, commented that had the 24 hour period extended to 48 hours she may have had to lay staff off.
Onya Bakyabitch, CEO of celebrity agency WhoRepresents, whose website ‘whorepresents.com’ represents over half of all internet traffic within the USA and the middle east, reported that her business was similarly affected, yet sympathised with Andrea. Ms Bakyabitch said that even she had to lie down and take it.
Copenhagian blogger and co-owner of The Better Desirable Roasted Cafe Corporation, Allan Jenkins, suggested that 86.3% of all statistics about the internet are made up.
Help agencies around the world have sprung up to assist those suffering from internet withdrawal. For more information, sufferers are being directed to this webpage.
Technorati: Andrea Weckerle
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Bryan Person 03.17.06 at 1:16 am
No Internet on a Thursday? This just won’t do! I mean, what do you expect me to do? Go for a walk? Gather ’round the dinner table with my family? Read a (gasp) PRINTED book or newspaper?
Nonsense. Absolute nonsense.
Lee 03.17.06 at 2:13 am
Thank you for contacting The Better Desirable Roasted Cafe Corporation.
Unfortunately the internet is closed for maintenance at the moment, however if you would like to try again later, we would be pleased to assist you in whatever way we can.
Thank you for your interest.
Andrea Weckerle 03.17.06 at 12:19 pm
Lee,
I read this first thing in the morning and couldn’t stop laughing.
If you had sent this via a free news release site, perhaps Google would have picked it up. *That* would have been very interetsing.
Lee 03.17.06 at 12:37 pm
ha ha ha — yes, I could have ‘gamed’ Google as per Shel & Neville’s comments today in FIR. Who knows where this could have ended up?